What? WHAT!?! White Christians think Jesus was an ARYAN!! The truth is wayyyyy weirder than your monkey brains can possibly imagine.
Give us this day our daily bananas... and... uh.... lead us from these mushroom dotted plains so we don't have to think.

Consider this is a metaphor. This is God. 

I DO love you, but the more “time” goes on, the more you think you know, the more nuttier your conception of the “Man” behind the curtain gets. All these little mechanical monkeys I made are getting out of control.  For eons your witch doctors have been trying to control YOU and getting your money by making ME in their own image... I do exist, but in a form so strange and so convoluted and so unusual for you that you will never, ever comprehend me. (paraphrasing David Byrne)

So eager to be led, you don't know what the HELL you are doing. The way out is back to where you were, before property, before slavery, before warfare, before standing armies, before, before, before. (paraphrasing Terence McKenna)

You want to hack reality, eat the apple, use the herbs I have given you?  You figure it out.  The truth lies in the quest for understanding.  I'm too busy with other creations at this juncture. 

Alan Moore - Is There a God?

"Well, I can't move for them, quite frankly. I'm looking at about 12 of them from where I'm sitting at the moment. I'm kind of swamped for choice. Yeah, there's probably tons of them. There's probably a swarm of gods. I've had sort of passing acquaintanceship with a few of them. Whether there's one definitive one... Yeah, there probably is. But how the celestial-league table stacks up, I'm not sure." -->